Musical Musings

What do you want from me??

"Michelle, how come sometimes when you play a song, you hit the wrong note?"
Oh well, gee i don't know. What? You think I hit the wrong note on purpose??!!
It's becuase I don't practice enough. I hate the practicality in music. It is WAY MORE important to enjoy what you're playing, to feel what you're playing then accidentally playing an A# instead of an A. Why does that matter?? What's with all this technical stuff. I hate that all you accept from me in life is the "technical stuff" get good grades, put your priorities straight. Just because I wanted to take my liscense test over winter break--and you promised in sept that I would get to take my test during winter break-- doesn't mean that I'm losing my priorities. I don't get it. i want to feel and live a meaningful life. i don't want a perfect life. I will never want a perfect life, but that's all you expect from me. It's not if I enjoy doing something. It's more: do you succeed at what you're doing? You know i have a whole life ahead to think about success, but for now, I want to feel like what I'm doing is right.
what's with prioritizing ayways?? i know my priorites. now there's my practical priorities and then there's my TRUE priorities.
deep down inside me, i can feel it. i can feel my true ambitions, just screaming, but i can't do anything. I'm helpless.
I'm digging a hole for myself to fall into and i can't stop myself from falling.
i hate thinking about this, about how painful this is when I really really don't want to do this.
I hate this sensibility.
I Hate it.
Breathe in air, Breathe out music

posted by Michelle @ 6:39 PM