Musical Musings

Listen to your Brain

Above all, I wish I could just stop be practical, logical. Do I have any common sense? I think I have tooo much common sense. What I love about music and listening to music is that THERE IS NO COMMON SENSE. There are NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWERS, it's what you make out if it. There are so many different interpretations.
When I had to choose what high school to go to, I wanted to go to a very competitive one. I thought I could benefit from that high school more, but it was full of asians. no joke. i don't get straight a's. i never will. A- is good enough for me. in fact, i have all a- anyways, (except for bio of course) and so I listened to logic. Logic lured me in. I'm in a pretty average school. Wellc ompared to the other schools in the area, I guess it's pretty good. But there is a lot of competition here too.
I hate how my mom always tells me, do what your hearts tell you..
and then she goes on and says I have to get straight a's or i have to quite dance. or get striaght a's or you don't get to sing anymore. which is why i have stopped both. get straight a's or you quit piano. HOW IS QUITTING SOMETHING going to magically make me get straight a's?! I'm sick of this bullshit. I'm writing and essay right now and I feel so angry
And how everything SEEMS SO DAMN UNFAIR. But what can i do. WHATDOYAWANTFROM ME?! Why is this so hard for me?
Opening up a design group hasn't been much fun either. everyone is so caught upi n school and homework, that it seems like no one cares. If there's one thing I hate, it's when people tlel me, oh i don't care ohhhhh maybeeee. It's YES or NO when I ask you, do you really want to do graphic design? Do you really want to play in a quartet?
I can't believe I cannot even telll my mom these kind of things, because she'll tell me to JUST QUIT. What kind of person just tells me to JUST QUIT?! Ok yea so I told my parents about this yesterday and they TELL ME TO QUIT and just focus on school and get STRAIGHT A'S?! WTF. In a course of a lifetime, IT DOES NOT MATTER IF I GET STRAIGHT A's.
I talked to my best friends and they said that it's better to fail at something and have a good time, than to fail and something that you were miserable about.
I wnated to go to a KROQ Almost Acoustic Christmas Concert, but it's not happening. I hate these excuses I have to make. I make up excuses to go to CA Adventure, to go to Starbucks, to go to FUN places I guess. My mom won't let me live a little, just because she wants me to get Straight A"S?! WHAT?! So once i get straight A's, I get to have fun? And then what?! I'm scared of asking her if I can go out. All she replies is WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WANT TO HAVE FUN?! YOU HAD TOO MUCH FUN LAST WEEK! ABSOLUTELY NOT! GO STUDY BIO!!!
I honestly want to give up. I realize it's not the pressure anymore. It's that fact that there is no balance. I wake up at 7 am on weekeneds just to do homework, for music.
But I don't think this is what I want to be doing. Everyday.
Sometimes, I just tell myself, just listen to some music, suck it up, and pray everything goes alright.
Straight A-'s I'll take it, but it's on the border. I cannot just lose everything I've worked so hard for.

posted by Michelle @ 10:08 AM